Relena in Wonderland by Shinigami Baby
Summary: Shinigami Baby's producing a play with Relena as the star.
Categories: Anime > Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing Division Characters: Catherine Bloom, Dorothy Catalonia, Duo Maxwell, Heero Yuy, Hilde Schbeiker, Lucrezia Noin, Quatre Raberba Winner, Relena Darlian/Peacecraft, Sally Po, Treize Khushrenada, Trowa Barton, Wufei Chang, Zechs Merquise (Milliardo Peacecraft)
Genres: Humor, Parody
Warnings: None
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 2 Completed: No Word count: 2156 Read: 3319 Published: 01-21-07 Updated: 01-21-07

1. Casting by Shinigami Baby

2. Chapter 2 by Goku Girl

Casting by Shinigami Baby
Author's Notes:

Okay, I'm taking my cue from Kat on that whole "Princess Bride" thing and decided it would be fun to do a Gundam Wing parody of something as well. I'm not "copying", perse, just having fun with this rather intresting idea. My parody isn't on a book, though. Mine's on that damn Disney creation Alice in Wonderland... wait, that WAS a book. Oh well, anyway, this is probably my first non-yaoi, non-shounen ai story. ::hears sighs of relief from yaoi haters around the fanfic world:: Hmm, maybe I'll change my mind... Okay, so here's how the casting session went......

Shinigami Baby is sitting impatiently in her director's chair, rubbing her foot on her dog's back. She seems to be enjoying the anticipation practically pouring out of the people who made it through rehearsals. She leans forward to get a better view of Duo's ass and falls out of her chair. All the actors turn around and look at Shinigami Baby. She smiles sheepishly and gets up. "Okay, I think you all have waited long enough. Here in my hand is are the parts I've assigned to minna-san." =^_~=

She grabs some tape from God knows where and tapes the list up to the wall, then runs back to her comfy director's chair as the actors come running to see what part they got. The first thing she hears is the very whiny and irritating Relena Peacecraft.

"WAI! I get to be Alice!" Relena shouts, doing a victory dance. "I get the leeeeead! I get the leeeeeeeeead!" Relena sings, playing bongos on poor little Quatre's head.

Quatre pushes Relena's hands off his head and rubs the sore spot she just made. He scans the list for his name. "I'm NANI?" Quatre shouts, causing everyone to back away. They remember all too well Quatre's WING ZERO experience and decide not to make him mad. Shinigami Baby just smiles.

Quatre pouts. "Why do I have to be the Mad Hatter? I'm not even mad!"

Duo nudges Quatre's side. "Heh, Trowa's the March Hare."

Quatre's face lights up. "REALLY?"

Heero sweatdrops as he turns from the list. "I'm the white rabbit?"

Shinigami Baby nods. "I figure that you run away from Relena so much, it would be the perrrrfect part for you, Hee-chan." She smiles widely. If there's one thing that Shinigami Baby loves, it's torturing Heero. Nothing is funnier than Heero's eye twitching. Heh heh.

Heero nods. "Mission accepted."

Everyone sweatdrops.

Duo climbs, literally, over everyone to see what part he gets. "SUGOI! I'm that caterpillar!!!"

Dorothy, Hilde, Noin, and Sally look at eachother. Dorothy speaks up. "We're flowers!?"

Shinigami Baby nods. "Mm-hmm."

Sally smiles. "At least I get to be the rose."

Noin clears her throat. "The rose is old."

Sally shoots the patented Heero Yuy DeathGlare(tm) at Noin. Noin smiles sheepishly and sweatdrops. Hilde rolls her eyes.

"Why can't I have a scene with Duooooo?"

"Because" Shinigami says "Duo didn't want any scenes with you. Haven't you read 'Duo Plays Cupid' or any of my other fics from GW this far? Duo doesn't like you, Hilde."

Hilde pouts and sits on the floor indian-style. "Well excuuuuuuuuuse me."

Duo runs up behind Shinigami Baby and hugs her. "Arigatou!!!!" he whispers, the runs away to the dressing room.

Milliardo Peacecraft in all his fine-ness walks over to the list. "Tweedle Dee!?"

Treize Khushrenada winks at Milliardo. "That's okay, I'm Tweedle Dum."

Milliardo's eyes get as big as saucers. "SHINIGAMI BABY!!!! CHANGE MY PART!!!!"

"Heh, sorry Zechsy, once it's in ink, it's in blood." She replied.

Milliardo sulks.

Wufei Chang popped his head infront of the casting list. He looked at Shinigami Baby. "Leave it to a WOMAN to do such an injustice as THIS!"

"..........?" Trowa asked.

Wufei pointed to the list.

Trowa raised an eyebrow and walked away, covering his mouth. He tried his best not to let the laughing come out. Wufei shook his fist and walked into the dressing room.

"Heyyy who's missing here? Where's Lady Une?" Shinigami Baby asked.

Trieze looked at the floor. "She's... not coming."

"NANI!?" Shinigami Baby asked.

"She knew exactly what part you were going to cast her for, so she left." Treize said.

Shinigami Baby folded her arms. "Hmph! Fine, then. The next Anime character that passes through that door over there is our Queen, then!"

Everyone stared at the door in anticipation.................................................................. no one was coming out of it. Suddenly, who pops in but Belldandy from 'Oh! My Goddess!'.

"Is this where we're shooting the show today?" Bell asked sweetly. Every guy in the room's eyes turned into hearts and they stared at her. Shinigami Baby frowned, a bit pissed.

"No, 'I Dream Of Goddess' is down the lot, this is 'Relena In Wonderland'. Now shoo!" Shinigami Baby demanded.

"HEY!" Duo shouted. "You said-"

"Shut it, Duo-chan." Shinigami Baby said.

Duo covered his mouth and nodded.

"Okay, the NEXT anime character to walk through that door is the Queen." Shinigami Baby promised.

As she said that, Chibi-Usa came strolling in. Everyone fainted.

"Have you seen my mommy?" Chibi-Usa asked.

Everyone shook their heads and pointed to the door, directing her to leave. Chibi-Usa turned around and left. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

"Okay, The NEXT person-" Shinigami Baby started.

"I've changed my mind!" Lady Une said, running in.

Shinigami Looked up at the sky. "Thank GAWD!"

Lady Une ran into the girls' dressing room.

Shinigami Baby looked down at her scripts. "Hmm, still I need actors... Oh well, I'll just improvise." She said to herself. "OKAY MINNA-SAN, HERE ARE YOUR SCRIPTS!" She said through a mega-phone that she stole from Cait Sith.

Quatre plugged his ears. "Owww, that hurt!"

"Gomen ne, Quatre-chan." She apologized.

Quatre pouted and took his script. "Yeah right." He walked into the boys' dressing room, then ran out. "TROWA'S NAKED IN THERE!"

"Durr, it's a dressing room." Relena teased.

"But but but but-" Quatre stuttered. "I can't see my beatiful Trowa naked! I'll think awful thoughts and I won't be able to concentrate on my acting!"

"Fine, Quatre, go change with the girls." Shinigami Baby said.

All the girls looked worriedly at Shinigami Baby.

"Girls, trust me when I say Quatre isn't intrested, mmkay?" She reassured the very uncomfortable female half of the cast. They nodded hesitantly.

Quatre rolled his eyes. "I don't like you *women*, I only want Trowa."

The girls all looked at eachother and shrugged, then walked into the dressing room.

Shinigami Baby sweatdropped. This was going to be harder than she thought.


End Part 1


Heh, if you think that's messed up, wait 'till you see how awful these people are going to rape this story.... oi, I need an asprin. Part 2 is coming soon. Please review! Arigatou! =~_^=
Chapter 2 by Goku Girl
Author's Notes:
Heh, found some people to play the missing parts. They're not from Gundam Wing, but still, they fit the role so don't complain now. Okay... Part 2
Relena sat under a tree, petting Wufei, who was in a cat costume. He didn't look very happy. Relena sighed. "Oh Wu-, erm Dyna, this is so boring. I sure wish a hot guy would show up so I could chase him around like some screaming pervert." Relena frowned. "Do I have to say that?"

"Stick to the script, Peacecraft!" Shinigami Baby hollered.

Relena sweatdropped, then continued her lines. "Someone mysterious... and suicidal, too. I think that is the perfect guy for me to stalk." Her eye twitched. Relena realized that playing Alice wasn't what she had expected it to be. Wufei stretched out, then looked off stage and did his best cat-impression.

"Mew mew mew." Wufei said quite simply. Then he muttered under his breath. "How unjust..."

"What is that Dyna?" Relena said, sticking to her lines. Then she looked off stage as well. She and Wufei had to contain their laughter as Heero came hopping out dressed as a rabbit, wearing a red vest and spectacles. He was holding out a pocket watch and talked right from the script.

"I'm-late, I'm-late. For-a-very-important-date. No-time-to-say-hello, goodbye-I'm-late-I'm-late-I'm-late." Heero said as if he were reading slowly.

Shinigami Baby frowned. She shook her head and took an asprin.

Relena looked at Heero and said "Look Wu-erm, Dyna, a white rabbit! He looks like he's in a big hurry, ne? I think I'll stalk him!" And with that, Relena ran after Heero, Wufei behind her, running on his hands and knees. As the scene went on, Relena fell into the fake hole and found herself at a door that Heero went through. She went to turn the knob when...

"HEY! That shit hurts!!!" The doorknob cried in a rather mean tone.

Relena looked down. "Oh my, I'm terribly sorry... well, not really. See, I'm stalk- uhh following a white rabbit. Did he pass through here?"

"Pssh, stupid girl, how the hell should I know!?" The doorknob replied.

"TASUKI!" Shinigami Baby yelled from off the set. "Watch that language, pally!"

Tasuki sighed. "Yeeees, ma'aaaam.... bitch."

"I HEARD THAT!"

"Gomen..."

"Well where is the white rabbit then?" Relena asked, trying to further the plot.

"On the other friggin' side, dumbass." He replied. "Damn girls are dumb."

Off stage, Wufei cheered for his woman-hating comrade.

"How do I get to the other side? Is there a key?" Relena asked.

"Yeh right up there." Tasuki said, looking up at the key on the table.

"Oh, cool." Relena grabbed the key and shoved it in Tasuki's fanged mouth. The door swung open.

Shinigami Baby sweatdropped. She didn't want to ruin the story anymore than she had already, but she wanted to avoid a very long and boring scene.

Relena walked through the door and suddenly heard the opening music to the song 'You Sexy Thing'. She looked ahead and walked toward the music. She peeked through some bushes and saw two very good-looking guys. Relena wiggled her eyebrows and watched Treize Khushrenada get a tan. Her brother, Milliardo was there too, but who checks out their brother? Milliardo looked up at her and shrieked.

"AAAAAAH!"

Treize looked up as well. "Oh, hey. He's Tweedle Dee and I'm-"

"Absolutely delicious!" Relena screamed as she ran up to Treize.

"Script! Script!" Treize shouted.

Milliardo checked his script. "Uhh, that's in the script, sir."

"D'oh! Wrong script, that was the FIRST draft!" Shinigami Baby shouted.

Everyone glared at her. She grinned. "Heh, next scene!"

Relena waited while the scenery was moved.

Offstage...

"Whoa, you're asking me for a date?"

"Yeah. And if you say no, I'll be very sad."

Milliardo scratched the back of his head. "But Dorothy, you're like... 15."

"I don't care, Milliardo-san!" Dorothy shouted, throwing her arms around him. What a convinient time for who else to walk by but-

"Lucrezia! HELP!" Milliardo pleaded.

Noin looked up from her coffee and smiled. "Nani?"

"Get this crazy girl off meeeeee!!!"

Noin thought for a moment. "Well, you were very oblivious to my feelings for you so I think............. I'll let her scare you for a little while. Ja ne." Noin walked away, sipping her coffee, smiling smugly.

Milliardo cried in frustration.

Somewhere else...

"Heero, isn't this fun?" Relena asked, hanging onto his arm.

"Sure, Relena. I'm having the time of my life." Heero replied sarcastically.

"Oh, Heero, I'm sure that-"

"YO, ALICE, GET YOUR BUTT ONSTAGE!" Quatre hollered.

Relena sighed and walked back onto the stage.

"Okay aaaand GO!" Shinigami Baby commanded.

Relena walked until she came to a house with loud music coming out of it. It sounded strangely like a party of some kind. "Maybe that sexy white rabbit is here..." Relena said, opening the gate an walking into the backyard as the music grew louder. She looked at what all the fuss was about.

It wasn't a party at all... Just two weird guys jumping on a table and spilling tea everywhere. They were singing something about 'Un-Birthdays'. She was about to walk away when the shorter blonde guy noticed her.

"Heyyyy! Merry Un-Birthday!" He jumped down off the table and grabbed Relena's arm.

"What the? Hey, what's up with that hat?" Relena asked.

"Durr, I'm the Mad HATTER." Quatre said, pointing to the oversized tophat resting on his head.

"Oh... that makes sense. So, are you mad?" Relena asked.

Quatre shot her a death glare. "NO!"

Relena pulled her head back. "Gomen!" She looked up at the dude on the table. He was dressed as a clown, but had Rabbit ears. "Do you know the white rabbit?" She asked him.

Trowa looked her way and smiled. "Honey, I'm the March Hare, not the white rabbit!" He then threw a tea cup over his shoulder and ran up to where Quatre and Relena were. "So, I hear it's your Un-Birthday?"

Relena looked uncomfortable. "What's an 'Un-Birthday'?"

Quatre looked at Trowa and wiggled his eyebrows. "An Un-Birthday? It's only like... almost everyday of the year!"

"Excuse me?" Relena asked.

"Why? Did you pass gas? Oof I hate it when that happens, especially when Quatre's-"

"AAAH! That's NOT in the script!" Shinigami Baby shouted, drowning out the last part of Trowa's sentence. "And by the way, why's Trowa acting all silly?"

Duo whistled.

"Duoooo?" Everyone said.

"Nani?" Duo replied.

"What did you do to Trowa?" Relena demanded, pointing to Trowa, who was picking his nose. "He's never like this!"

"Well, that's not totally true, when we're alone Trowa is actually quite frisky...."

"QUATRE!" Everyone shouted.

"AAAH! Did I say that outloud? Whoops!" Quatre covered his mouth and walked offstage to get something to drink. Trowa followed him, mischief in his eyes.

"Uh... that's a wrap for today, my head hurts too much...." Shinigami Baby said, getting out of her chair. "And Duo... don't drug Trowa again tomorrow or I'll be very pissed."

Duo gulped and nodded. "Damn she knew..."

Everyone cleared off the set and went home.
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